2023-02-19
Updated: 2023-02-26
It's been exactly two years since I wrote my first post and I've always been tempted to delete it and start new. Partly because it's poorly written and a bit embarrassing to read, but mostly because I actually haven't set out to do any of the things I had hoped to do. I haven't written anything about anything, mostly using the excuse that I've been busy (somewhat true), but really the main culprit is that it's just plain hard to organize your thoughts, let alone purposefully think about life, work, etc.
I'm going to try to do a bit right now.
Where am I right now:
Mobile Forensics Software Engineer -
In June, I'll be coming up on my first 2 years of work experience post-graduation. It's been quite good and I've learned a lot. Obviously, I don't have much to compare to, but the work itself is interesting and I have a lot of people to thank when it comes to helping me succeed in the role I'm currently in, as well as for being gracious enough to walk with me step-by-step as I fumble to merge my more traditional CS background with the DFIR problem set I'm presented with at work.
These days though, I feel like I've been growing increasingly more anxious due to some logistical things at work, most of them out of my control. Ultimately, it feels like I'm trying to "hedge my bets" with my current work and I think it's been demotivating me to be 100% in it. I feel this immense pressure growing and compartmentalizing parts of my life has hence grown harder; I always have these thoughts randomly pop up as I'm driving, sleeping, showering, etc. I mean, the stress and anxiety really stem from larger worries such as financial stability and things of that nature, so switching jobs may be a half measure, but also on the flip-side, in some sense, I want to be more grateful for where I'm even at. I really do believe I struck out with the people I've met and been working with. They're people who want the best for me, even though it may not be the best for them.
In summary, work has been fulfilling, but the seemingly ascending hills are starting to plateau. Despite that, I want this to be a reminder that I should still work as diligently as needed, and not to view work solely through this consumer-based "wring-every-drop-from-X" lens. Be more thankful for where I'm at and where God has purposely placed me.
College Ministry Staff (Helper) -
In the earlier part of 2023, I was invited to help out with my church's college ministry. I was a bit surprised at first, just knowing who I was, who I currently am, and the trajectory of where I was headed. I didn't feel worthy to help and I thought that, once again, people had a view of me that was quite far from the truth. To their defense, I did serve in my college's Christian fellowship in a somewhat large capacity, but it was a similar story of uncertainty at that time as well.
While I am thankful to be part of the ministry and blessed that the church staff would allow me to help, I'm still concerned about being adequate enough to help in any legitimate way. I say this unironically that the only way I truly do think I could help is being a solid role model for what not to do as you progress through university.
Where does that leave us now? It's somewhat of an awkward time to be creating New Year's resolutions, so how about some biannual goals?
Read more -
I spend a good chunk of time reading technical books, like No Starch Press and O'Reilly books, both for work and personal projects, but I would like to spend at least 30 minutes a day reading non-technical books. I'm currently reading The Reason for God by Tim Keller which has been great, but would be better if I didn't have to reread most of my last read portion because of my inconsistent schedule. To reading more!
Projects -
This one probably deserves its own set of bullet points, but I will make note of two that I really want to get done. The first being TagAlong, a mobile app I've been helping to develop alongside my cousin and her awesome boyfriend. There's definitely been some ups-and-downs with helping with that project, but I think they have a great product on their hands and it's something that can really help others, no matter the user-base size.
The second I want to work on is BibleType, which was a small POC I wrote a few years ago that was inspired by MonkeyType, but for bible verses. I took it down when Heroku changed their free dynos policy, but want to get it back up again with brand new features. The one feature I want to work on the most is a type-racing-with-friends thing in which I haven't fully fleshed out, but sounds fun to work on!
Let this be a marker of where I am right now and a reminder to check in around June.